I remember a dream

This rarely happens, so I'll write what I can remember, it's long:


I was flying maybe. We were traveling very very fast over land. I think we were running from the objects from outer space. Anyway, they were coming. Tons of flying saucer looking things. They were smashing into earth. Finally we stopped and we were arming up to fight the things. Someone knew about them previously and said they were made of fire.

Then we're loading onto a train to escape. I remember the train being slightly Flipside like, but mostly like a normal train. Just camping mixed in somehow. I have a room with my usual guys, probably Rick, Jimmie, and Robbie. At some point I'd met a girl on there I wanted to hit on. I took the phone from Rick when he was talking to her and was extremely nervous. Everyone was watching and I was stuttering a bit, but I asked her to hang out. She had a very long pause, then said yes.

I went over to her cabin on the train and we talked some, but then I realized my friend Niki was in her cabin too. Niki said she was going to the bathtub/hottub in their cabin and I ended up going there in a little bit and skinny dipping with her. I basically blew off the girl I hit on for her.

Then some guy's going through the train violently handing guns out to shoot the aliens. They're tiny guns that shoot tiny flares. I ask if we need some kind of alcohol to light the enemies on fire and they say that we're shooting at fire. They're already on fire. So I wonder how a flare will hurt them.


That's all I remember.

More Flipside Pics

Change jobs soon... but my current director had a "meeting" with me AND my future boss to say I shouldn't have gone to Flipside. For some reason someone told her I did and she freaked out. Anywho, here's more Flipside pics:

Flipside

It was incredible. I don't have the patience to write about it now, but I loved it. Being in a society without money where everyone is sharing seems to make everyone extremely friendly and social. It's a MUCH better way to live. I'll find the time and patience to write all about it soon, but for now have a couple crappy pictures I took the first day. The good pics I'll have to get from others who kept using their cameras.

I really don't think most people understand the culture of the people who go to the event. Most people are so focused on security that they never open up, take time to be creative and fun, or just to get to know their fellow man better. All that time wasted on tv, makeup, cleaning, etc. was pretty much thrown into meeting great people and making something creative. Whether that's music blasted from a pyramid, a bar made out of plywood, or a sock puppet theater. Everyone had some great new way to enjoy life. I can't think of anything to compare it to. These pictures really don't show anything that happened, just what the ephigy and creek looked like long before the event really got going.

Flipside

I'm off to go camp all weekend. I'll be back in a week with some crazy stories.

Another reason to go vegan

So I know some people in a local vegan group now. I had vegan pizza with a few at The Parlor tonight. I hope to hang out with them all a lot more. The girls I met in the group are gorgeous. The coworker that came by tonight to borrow some stuff is gorgeous too and she's vegetarian. I have high standards of beauty and seeing so many beautiful single people in one night puts me in a great mood even though they may not return my interest. This story/blog shall remain short in the interest of hiding how much wine I may be drinking right now. ;-)


Regardless, the moral of the story is that you shouldn't eat animals. Cause not eating animals apparently makes you smokin' hot.

Albatross lifted

It seems to me that not understanding a situation leads to drama. The typical example of this for me is a breakup. If you don't know why it ended it is VERY hard to move on. Even if you can't know you have to at least pick this place in your head where you have a certainty that you've done everything you need to. A certainty that it's over. It is hard to be certain when you don't understand what happened.

Usually I advise people when getting over a relationship to give up all hope. This is very difficult so for those unwilling I suggest a time limit and series of steps to take that try to revive the relationship. If those steps fail THEN you have to give up all hope that anything could ever work out between you two. Once all hope is gone the emotions go with it. There's nothing difficult to deal with anymore. You instantly move into "moving on" mode. As Tyler Durder says: "Losing all hope is freedom."


So that somewhat relates to me having a bit of a crush lately. I've not been letting myself give up on that and it's caused a lot of the drama mentioned in the last post, but really I brought this topic up about the work event a month ago. The one where a coworker made up a claim against me to try to get me fired. It was out of nowhere. The anger at me one day seemed to have no cause to me. I have been baffled for a month. In that last month I have seen similar completely irrational anger at our supervisor for things like e-mailing us "Please forward waivers from people who represent themselves to the court." That's about as innocent as a message can get and yet she walked into my office to talk to an office mate of mine is a speechless rage because of that e-mail. He is the only other male in the office.

After this many months I'm comfortable saying that she has serious psychological issues towards men and it wasn't anything I did. Her constant irrational outrage at the boss is a good example of the irrational anger she probably harbors for me behind my back.

Anyway, that's a weight off me so I wanted to share. I'm happy to know this. I feel bad for her though. I'm glad I'm getting away from her, but her dad is probably the source of her feelings. She's mentioned him being crazy before.

Emotions

So the point of this blog was to move past the "whiny" emotional outpourings in part, but now it seems like the point of this blog should be the place to come vent all that where none of my friends will see it. I can just quit blogging that stuff on MySpace and everybaby will be none the wiser, heh.

I have been up and down in my mood a LOT lately. Normally I'm just a steady happy, but lately I've been all over the place with real lows. That is exceptionally rare for me. It could all just be because I have a crush on someone, but I pretty much know the feelings aren't returned so they are just another friend like everyone else. Yet a part of me hasn't dashed all hopes so the emotions rage as if there were something there. I went through this with feelings for someone around Xmas too. Crushes are weird. Just feeling this way makes me feel like I'm in middle school.

In all other elements of my life I have so much control, but this is hard to deal with. I think drinking caffeine again to get that energetic high and finding a good book to read will help. I've also spent lots of time with Rick who seems to have a ton in common with me and is great fun. I'm excited about moving in with Stavana and Robbie in a few months too.

So it's so hard to just be open about everything that I don't want everyone to know on this blog when this is the public blog. Anybaby could find it except nobaby knows it exists.

I should give either ball up and get shot down so that I can remove all these feelings or just give up on that sliver of hope that makes me so dramatic about this. Actually, the solution I have sought is the same I've sought for months. I should go learn to hit on strangers and get dates so that I can crush on someone who returns my interest.


But for now I'll drink my martini and read Pratchett. He is a very funny writer.

Bringin' me down

So after the work drama about a month ago I applied to another DPS position. I wish I'd looked for a step up in my career, but instead I went for the easy lateral move within the same company. I am somewhat scared of leaving this social atmosphere of young attorneys like me, but I don't regret leaving a job where a couple coworkers want me fired.

So I was kind of down about this offer for the new job, but I feel better about it today because work has depressed me lately. Besides the two coworkers that want me fired, the others are at best neutral towards me. One has been complaining about my attitude a lot lately (she says I seem down and it annoys her) while the rest seem okay, but hang out with each other constantly outside of work and manage to exclude me.

I find it difficult to be surrounded by people who are friends but keep me outside of that circle. I don't like to constantly be the outsider. I don't know what it is about me that makes them dislike me, but I wish I knew. I think part of it is just that I'm the only male and most of them are married. There's some weird separation between married and single people. I don't know why, but I don't really hang out with any married people and after talking to coworkers it seems that they don't have any single friends. Anyone have ideas about why this happens?

So maybe this change is good. I won't have to go to work where everyone is happy and festive and I am excluded from their clique. They're all at lunch together right now. I didn't even know about that, but I was just asked why I'm here and not with them by the boss while I type this. I had not heard they had a plan.

I'm ready for a change, but I hate to just give up on a situation and not know what I did wrong. I imagine that whatever makes them dislike me could be what makes me unable to get a date.

Sage Francis lyrics

I'm still in a funk and don't know why. No time to write much so here are some Sage Francis lyrics. Not usually my style of music, but I really like this guy:



[it was too good to last he thought
might as well have been a dream he thought]

lights are out,
phones are dead,
and I'm the only thing thats running in this city.
except for the clouds,
and man they're coming down.
if I knew my way around
I wouldn't feel so dizz-ay.

where's telly?
nobody can tell me
I don't speak a lick of that language
and got a slippery memory
if I spelled it all out on my arm
only if
but I didn't
so I think get a grip kid
deal with it

baby's waiting for a ring
won't settle for the substitute excuse that's forming
I got a complicated case of escapism
for her I try to rewire my nature
too tired to wake her up

out of that artificial calm she was on
a drug induced future that slipped out of her palms
seductive rain dancer
she thinks I'm water proof
like superman doesn't need a roof over his head

when I come home to roost
I need truth to hold in bed
but I'm seeking salvation in a booth
the phones are dead
and the lights are out
and I'm the only thing living in this ghost town
except for the clouds
and then they're coming down
if I knew my way around by now I'd be bound for home

black out on white night in rome
black out on white night in rome

I know that I'm in love
but I know I'm out of touch
and I know that I get dumb when I can sense something's up
and then I bottom out
european tale spins
scrawling messages out on my pale skin
in hopes they get mailed in

before the ink poisoning takes affect
and it gets smugged because I budged before I let paint set
I get jugded by the ones who have shelter and rain checks
while I trugged through the mud
because this foreign terrain's wet

regain conciousness and lose common sense
the ominious dark skies that lie between me and providence are signs
the obivous answer isn't standing on your face with stilletos on
if you pop the question wrong

every song is a post after thought
I won't grab the chalk to outline my body of work
toe tags get caught in my teeth
'cause my foot is in my mouth
and the spurs are in the words
so my tounge can't dismount

even after our rapport had fully run it's course
couldn't figure out the most heroic time to jump from the horse
and place this old hat for the last time on a coat rack
but I'd donate all my earnings from this race just to know that

resisting urges to go back and get it later
like the milk wouldn't sour itself in the refridgerator
a wet boy in a dry dry state
on an old country road
where tradition has a blind date

I make it dance on it's own grave tonight
with a change of direction by the pale moonlight
and if it needs theme music
i'll break out the bagpipes
and play a tune that a ghost wrote me in a past life that goes like

black out on white night in rome