Blogging

This is my only "public" blog. I have a myspace one, but it's pretty much friends only for my posts. Even there I came across the idea that sharing my thoughts can harm me. I kind of figure nobody I know in person reads this.


It's an odd concept for me. I believe we should all be completely open and honest. Exceptions would things like national security and self-defense. But you should always let people know how you feel and what you're doing. It helps create real bonds with people instead of the lies and deceit that cause so many problems in life.


But people don't have much context. And they make a lot of assumptions. I use this blog as a place to work out my thoughts and emotions. I don't think those that know me in person would call me emotional. I could be wrong, but I know that I don't feel emotional often whether I act so or not. I've spent many years trying to be more expressive, but I am still basically calm all the time.


I am also quite happy and secure. But that's not helpful to write about. I focus on how to create caring relationships. Friendship and dating. It's a high priority for me and I am not meeting my expectations. I don't think that's to say I am doing badly.


This defensive post doesn't make me seem less emotional, hah. I wonder if I sabotage my own goals. The people I see "living happily ever after" seem so boring. The ones that settle down and quit going to parties or having as many friends seem unable to experience the full range of life.

I don't know the purpose of all this. I prefer to talk to myself "outloud" (aka the internet) in order to get feedback. The perspectives and creativity of others help me in my decisions. Except that only like 2 people read this.


I should focus on not mis-characterizing things. I probably have an average amount of dates and opportunities in that field. I shouldn't need to exaggerate how badly I'm doing to motivate myself to do better. A new job may help me get past a lot of these issues. It hurts not having any friends at work.