I am Jack's inflamed sense of rejection

On the tact blog... I am just noticing the problem, but it's what I've noticed before. I don't know how to change it. I don't have much hope that it'll happen. I will basically learn to speak less and lower my expectations so that I'm happy reading more and don't really expect people to wish to get to know me.


It really was a great weekend. The housewarming party was a much bigger hit than I expected. We had over 30 people show up. Tons of beer drunk, injuries, broken things, drunk people, puke, beer pong, freeze tag, sumo wrestling, people passed out on couches and beds, etc. All the good stuff. Can't wait to repeat for Robbie's BDay next month.

Then Sunday I hung with some awesome people again. I had a great weekend, but I come back to work and that general sense of rejection descends upon me again like a cloud. I can't help feeling that I'm failing at all aspects of life because I'm inable to make friends like I want.


I think the inability to date is the largest part of that. I mean, I'd love to have close friends to fall back on but I get the sense that everything I do I'm an afterthought. The exception to that is probably the roommates. I have the coolest roommates I've ever had. I don't see Robbie that much because of his schedule, but Jimbo and Stavana are awesome.


Anywho, I'm rambling because I can't give myself the patience at work to think fully. I'm too busy here. This is my lunch break. One thing I noticed at the party is that I definitely have a mostly male, horny group of friends. I am both happy and very sad to count myself outside that category, but the women at the party were all hit on constantly. I can imagine that getting old. Still, I'd trade my situation for that. It's coming up on one year of being single. I've been on two dates that didn't work out and not even had a kiss in this last year. It has been a miserable failure and it's wearing on me. I sense that whatever it is that's so unattractive about me influences my work and personal life as well. It is depressing.